Do they know it’s Christmas time…at all?

Do they? Do you? Do you feel like I do?

Who are THEY? Them…you know…the newscasters who are spoiling the magic of Christmas, the Scrooges who are yelling and honking their horns…the Westfield Mall Photog who called security on me…

It’s true. I am a menace, clearly. This time I deserved it though. I crossed the line. I had the nerve to bring my family to the Fox Valley Mall. We had a nice little dinner at Panera inside the mall. Then we strolled down to Santa’s “set”. Santa was on break for another fifteen minutes, but we were 2nd in line!

While we waited we started talking. Then the BIG MAN himself came down the escalator, with his handler. Santa immediately said hi to those in line and explained the reindeer would poke holes in the roof if he didn’t feed them at regular intervals. That jolly old elf was on top of his game!

My kids were stoked! My 4 year turned and asked, “Where’s his mother?” He meant Mrs. Claus, Santa’s better half and I encouraged him to ASK Santa.

After all, what are we there for if not to get to know this elusive elf, right? As I often do, and have been doing for 9 years, I fired up my video recorder (on my iPhone) and began recording the banter between my kids while on line to see S-A-N-T-A. This is GOLD and I like to get every minute.

From there, the corporate minions took hold. I was asked not to take pictures. I assured the kind folks I would do no such thing. The photograph taking would be left to the “professionals” with the flash and fisheye lense. I simple wanted to video tape the live raw excitement of my cherubs as they encountered the Magic Man, Mr. Claus in the flesh! That seemed to suffice…for a moment…until the pit boss of the Santa Set began to call out to me in front of everyone.

By now the children were on Santa’s lap and I WAS MISSING IT!!!! This is good stuff. These moments come once in a lifetime. Did he ask about Mrs. Claus yet? Did my daughter mention her deepest desires for a gift???? I DON’T KNOW because I was being yelled at by Sara like a school boy who was chewing gum in class!!!

My wife briefly attempted to talk me out of videotaping, but thought better of it. She wanted some video too!

I pressed forward. I focused…or tried to. In my coolest Sharon Stone impersonation I wanted to utter, “What are you gonna do, arrest me for smoking video-taping my own children while they tell Santa Claus what they want for Christmas?”

Then she did it.  She utter the mother of all dirty phrases…..the “I am going to dash dash (call security)” phrase.  I was in for it now.

We asked her to snap the picture.  Our credit card was out the whole time.  People were waiting.  The tension was mounting.

After I shut the camera off (so she would snap the picture) THREE security guards came down and waited for me.  She ruined my experience and my wife’s.  The kids enjoyed Santa immensely.  She ruined our video memories… and we paid $25 for a picture.  The security folks did nothing.

I go to the mall about 2 times a year.  Well, I used to.  I bet you can guess why…  Easter, and Christmas.  That’s probably going to change though.

News flash to Shutterfly, Cherry Hill and Westfield:

You should want me to videotape my kids having magical moments at your place of business while using your service.  Take a lesson from Disney.  He makes MILLIONS from letting people photgraph and videotape their happiness early and often.

You’re not in the business of selling pictures.  You’re in the business of selling happiness and connections.  You never know who’s coming through your doors.  Everyone should be treated like a king.  You treated me like a crook, when in reality it is YOU who stole something from me and my family tonight…and for what?